Sunday, July 27, 2008

Listening to Eason Chan


I had never been to a live concert before, Eason Chan Moving on Stage 11 was a zero-breaking experience to me!
I started to know Eason when I was in secondary school, if my memory does . Prior to that, I only knew that he was rather a popular canto pop singer in HK, following the 4 Heavenly Kings etc. The first Chinese song of him that touched my heart was "Hun Li de Zhu Fu"; watching the MTV of that song, i was amazed that he sang so well and the lyrics was also meaningful.
After the first encounter, i did not particularly take notice of his songs...what i knew is that he gained popularity throughout the years with his canto and chinese songs eg K-Ge zhi wang, Shi Nian, Ni de Bei Bao, Ming Nian Jin Ri, Quan Shi Jie Shi Mian, Xie Xie Nong, Di Deng Dong Wu etc etc.. I remember i bought a compilation CD of him, known as "qi", which included all his chinese songs throughout the years. When my brother was watching the HK drama series Chong Shang Yun xiao, I got to know the song "xiong mei". That song matches the drama so well, very contemporary and encouraging. (i mean the cantonese version)
My next encounter with him was only in the recent, just before i went for a trip to Cuba. I heard from my then housemate talking about his new song "Aing Qing Zhuan Yi". In fact i learnt about this song through radio 1003, which was then also my new radio of choice. (radio 1003 is still now my favorite radio station) I purchased my second CD of him, "Ren le bah"! This album is amazing, all my favorite songs especially Tao Tai, Bai Se Qiu Xie and Di Yi Ge Ya Pi Shi. Most importantly, when i travelled to Cuba and Paris alone, this album accompanied me throughout the journey. I remember i secretly switched on my handphone mp3 player on AirFrance just because i need some songs to relieve my boredom. I was warned by a air steward on my way to Havana because of that! When i settled down in the little hotel in Paris, the first thing i did after showering is to turn on my player and let his songs filled up my hotel room so as to keep myself calm after so many days of foreign language instrusion!
Back to the concert last night, it was fantastic. Although 80% of the songs he sang were Cantonese, it was good enough for me just to sit there and listen to his singing. His hairstyle was flamboyant, perhaps i would want to keep such hairstyle when my hairline is getting thinner? :)
He danced well with his dancers throughout the concert, his loud music activated me, his soft music went directly into my heart. He joked, the audience laughed, he yelled, his fans yelled back.
Perhaps majority of us, the audience, are still the quiet guai guai type. I do feel that the concert did not reach the 'high' that i expected. But again, perhaps most of us love his soft loving songs more, and prefer to sit quietly and listen to him.
Listening to a singer for the songs you enjoyed is simply a pleasure.
I believe Eason will sing more nice and touching songs in future and became a legendary singer of our era.
Last but not least, i must thank my friends JY who helped me to get a pair of tickets with fabulous seating!


Sunday, July 13, 2008

I want to be myself!

I am an emotional guy.
A guy with low tolerance level, poor anger management skill.
A guy who is easily influenced by others..someone who live under the shadow of others.

Sometimes I am so tired that i dont feel like being myself.
However, being myself is quite tough especially when people tends to associate high EQ with success.

I was associated with the word "negative thinking" by some of my friends. To be frank, i dont like to be known as someone who only laments. I have been trying hard to improve my character.. just that at critical time, sensitivity conquers sensibility.

I knew that my confidence level dropped quite a lot when i first came to study in Singapore. I realised i was so timid when i was exposed to a new environment. I would care so much about my face and my presence among others.

I want to be myself. I want to be myself. I tell myself, i want to become myself. I want to be happy and cheerful. I dont want to be troubled by so much anxieties.

So, should i start ignoring how people look at me? hahahaha...

My original ending word was "Would other people accept for what i am?"...i din use this as ending as i found it inappropriate...but again..that's what i was thinking 1 min ago!

I am really poisoned with such negative thoughts for too long....SHIT!

Give me time, i want to be myself, i want to lead a good life. i want to achieve my dream, i want to become what i want to become.

To those who read my blog, please pardon my English as I hardly write in English. Please correct me if i made any grammar or vocabulary mistakes.

I say it, i can make it. i will make it!

Monday, July 7, 2008

七月,胡乱写写

新公司的第一天,口没遮拦,说了一些胡话,后悔,希望老总当我大清早说梦话吧!

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在KL遇到两个不同个性的故友:一个过这简单生活,梦想Phd读完后出国和相好常相厮守,另一个老是嫌自己赚太少,每次见面都还要我请客。。可是他的发财梦永远不是梦,每次都有新的投资点子。。。
看看自己,竟然都没有认真地为未来打算,永远都是算得不够仔细,原地踏步。

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买了柏杨《丑陋的中国人》一书,看了过后才知道自己如此丑陋。是时候提高自己的审美观了。

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记得和一个上等人一起吃东西,我狼吞虎咽的吃相在她眼里变成了下等人的刻板印象。“你就是这样,吃东西这么快,没有慢慢咀嚼,细尝其中滋味,以后怎么和上等人一同进餐?上等人吃东西是享受食物,你们叫填饱肚子。。”
我还真羡慕上等人那么文明,怎么我狗改不了吃屎,看来没机会上等了吧?

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Thursday, June 19, 2008

坏脾气和一些陈年旧事

今天我又拍桌子,大吼大叫了。

这是我在这个就要离开的地方,第4次大发雷霆了。
其中2次是向同一个人,今天也就是我向他发出第二次怒吼的一天。

承认我脾气一向来暴躁,特别是导火线被点燃后,我很难控制得住,往往非要在众人面前使出真本色,丢脸一番,才可罢休。清醒的我,完全知道对人生气,是跟自己过不去;然而,气头上的我,除非突然天使降临,否则我欲罢不能,誓死都要让他知道我也不是好惹的料,当然到底我是怎样的料,那些周围看热闹的甲乙丙丁应该都晓得吧?既然我都豁出去了,也就不管闲言闲语了。

我最恨那些不肯让人解释的人;当他们咄咄逼人,一面用自己的见解来否定我所有的解释,我的energy level就会慢慢上升。 我从小就讨厌吵杂,夸大其实的闲杂人等; 记得小学的时候,我没做错事,但是听到老师为了小小事情,无理取闹地训了一些人;心理很烦,老师又吵,就暗地里骂了他一声‘八婆’,没想到老师顺风耳,分贝辨识度高,马上把我揪出来,痛打多鞭。

中学的时候,一位我看不顺眼的老师,竟然无缘无故叫我出去擦黑板。好,我承认当天我是值日生,但是我才刚刚洗好手,准备回家;分明这老师任凭喜恶,点我去做肮脏事,要我回家前吸入粉笔灰,至少我心里是这样想的。我厌恶至极,迈步向前,随意擦了几下后,转头离开教室就朝厕所方向走去,才不看那老师一眼。而这老师竟然在我走出教室不到几秒钟,用无辜的言语对这全班说“你们不觉得毒小弟的态度有问题吗。。。”,最最最讨厌别人正面不骂,偏偏我还在旁边,分明就是那种auntie被小弟欺负了不爽就对着空气发牢骚。我从厕所回来,回到教室后就站在我的座位上,看着这个老师笑,他还在讲。。。。。不过等到他讲完后,我却有点委屈地大哭了一场。。。。我跟我自己说,我要打倒这些滥用阶级来教训别人的伪君子。。。

后来职场上也因为是student intern的关系,碰到了不少类似的伪君子和假小姐。由于没有他们不能毕业,只能虚伪地恭维他们这些败类。还记得他们对我要求极高,只要呆滞下来就一句not taking initiative,no motivation to learn, bad attitude, poor performance....etc...我被折磨得在一个senior面前留下眼泪,而那个幕后黑手也无动于衷,仍然继续他的虚伪,认为他有权利把一块粪土说成是黄金,也可以将灵长类退化成人猿。权力让这些阶级的人忘记了他们也是这样走过来的,竟然一丝不苟地把他们被折磨得经验转化成折磨别人的利剑。然而这些败类也不是省油的灯,他们尽量把你打出他们的圈子,让我没法继续做下去,只好走出来走自己的路。这样也好,回头看看,要是我还留在原地,做他们的走狗,可能永远没有抬起头的一天。

在想想今天早上的怒吼,我才发现我已经不必要小学时期的暗骂,中学大学时期的委屈泪水和虚伪。如果觉得有理的话,怒吼是对这些自以为是的人的一种有声抗议!当然很多人说,EQ高的人知道如何委婉地处理生气时的不理智,可是,为什么我们就一定要违背自己的感性,强忍心中的不满,让自己起到爆?

一向来别人对我的评价是很极端的。
不认识我的人觉得我很随和,认识我一段时间的人觉得我的脾气很暴躁,认识我很久的人则觉得我是个情绪不稳定的人,再就一点的,就知道其实我只不过是个没出息的angryman。

无论如何,我花了长篇写了这一大段,再次提醒自己,感性不能违背,但是,千万不要轻易发怒。哈哈 当然可以的话,可以找机会报仇。。。可是报完仇,泄了恨,日子还是一样过。

看开了,我真的是个幼稚无聊的人。

不写了。

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

民国女子

六月五日,下过雨的午后,我终于交信了。。。。。。。。。


时间回到民国四年,北平。

一个普通知识青年女子,被大家庭束缚着,想挣开枷锁。

被挣着的时候,认识一个留洋回国的男子,一心一意以为他会带她远走高飞,于是毅然拒绝了之前青梅竹马的少爷。

少爷瞧竹马女子不理不睬,也就不再死缠烂打,而且娶了另一个女子为妻。

后来留洋男子有了新欢爱丽丝,就不要女子了。

还好少爷,虽然刚刚结过婚,但老婆不久就死掉了,所以不介意迎娶这个女子作续弦。

女子左思右想,与其被家里人逼婚嫁给老头子,不如给这个曾经爱过的少爷一个机会。

好吧!嫁给少爷吧!

结局如何,还不知道。。。

我还是尊重他的决定吧!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

等待的滋味

上个星期,甲公司的甲经理打给我,说要我去她。我去了,她给了我一份工作,叫我这个星期尽快答复。

(我曾经在四月初申请甲公司的一个职位,一直到四月尾,都没有消息。这次五月底她打电话来,想必是她首选的应征者拒绝了他吧?所以才会急忙叫我去一趟,而且这么快的就offer)

问题是,我整个五月份,都忙着应征乙公司的一个职位,我已经去了3此面试了,至今乙公司迟迟没有给我答复,不知道他们是要还是不要我,只是一味地叫我等。。

我等了又等。。。还是等。

乙公司是我的首选,甲公司是我的次选。

可是乙公司若不尽快给我答复,我可能也会失去甲公司的机会。

真的很矛盾,超级想要得东西,往往付出了很多,最后却没有得到。
早已绝望了的,却突然出现,紧张和期待的心情都没有了,虽然还不错,可是就是咽不下去。

可是,我走到今天,若再挑三挑四,就老了。。。。

希望今天能够有个了结!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

全力以赴,笑看风云

心情逐渐平静下来。。
感谢关心我的朋友们。。

我这才发现,其实我真的是一个自私的人。。。
自私得我一些朋友说要找人来教训我。。。

我要告诉我自己,

1。 对家人多一点关心
2。 对朋友多一点关心
3。 对自己少一点操心
4。 对生命多一点操心
5。 对人生少一点操心
6。 对爱情少一点忧心


明天我要全力以赴,不管成败如何,我都笑看风云!

于丹论庄子,真的帮我解忧不少!